Friendship is a gift we all deserve. A friend is a person you have a bond of mutual affection with. In Greek, this friendly love is called Philia. It’s the friendly love between two people who are not related or in love. It’s a love that occurs when both people share the same values and respect each other. It’s oftentimes referred to as “brotherly love.”
The friends you choose can influence your perspective on life and your choices. So, what impact would you want your friends to have on your life? Therefore, the best thing you can do for yourself is to choose your friends wisely, as they can impact your life significantly.
Your chosen family
Friends are the family you choose. They show up for you on your worst days and cheer you on your best days. Furthermore, friends are accountability partners and gatekeepers of your well-being. In a good friendship, you develop a strong tie of trust which can contribute to forming stability in your life. A friend is a safe place of sorts.
Having someone to rely on helps make you feel secure. The way the world seems spiralling, causing more fear, anxiety, sadness and insecurities, having a solid base to tap into gives a sense of sanity. You know, having people who are familiar and, in a way, the same as always. It gives the “feel good” sense. It could be one of the reasons Jesus gathered folk and made friends while on his great mission.
I have called you friends
Jesus calls the disciples his friends in the New Testament. Furthermore, throughout the Old Testament, God himself refers to men of old as friends. One of them is Abraham. Depending on what you know regarding this, is it possible to deduce that friendship is sacred even in the sight of a mighty God? In Scripture, you see how the friends of God and Jesus were also referred to as co-labourers in their good works. A friend is not just a friend for the sake of being a friend.
A friend is someone who co-labours with you in doing life. We can set our eyes on stories from the Bible on what good friendships can be. In addition, we can also see how we ought to conduct ourselves as a friend to others.
Be the friend you want
You need to be the friend you want to your friends. Friendship is a two-way street. Thus, interdependence forms part of the foundation of your friendship(s). Interdependence means that you can be independent, but you can also seek help by depending on others wherever you fall short. There is a balance we all ought to learn regarding our friendships.
For fiercely independent people, the lesson would be to learn to let go a little and ask for help when needed. For the overly dependent friend, the lesson is to learn to discern when they are taking advantage of their peers. Then choose wisdom by being accountable by taking responsibility as they ought to. As you grow through the years of your friendships, you will learn to form good ways to communicate your needs and wants with friends. Hopefully, with the confidence that the tough conversations won’t end the friendship(s).
Read: Can young people today find their identity in Jesus Christ?
Grow in love
Friendships involve many imperfect people, but they are a wonderful exploration to grow in love. They certainly can get messy with all the moods, misunderstandings and so on, but the value they add is far greater. Friendship gives you a sense of belonging. When you think of belonging, how does that make you feel? Warm? Known? Loved?
Living in community and fellowship is one of the greatest blessings God gifted us. With all the differences between you and your friends, you are each crafted carefully to complement one another, and God has aligned your paths for growth. He is so good that even friendships that could have wrecked you have hopefully made you a better, not bitter person. Those friendships can serve as lessons that can bless your current and future friendships. Finally, may you be encouraged to nurture your friendships, let go of the ones whose time has ended, and be willing to start anew with whomever God has placed on your path.
May you grow in love. For more relationship advice, tune in for Let’s Talk Relationships every day from 18:00 to 18:30. You can also find our podcasts on iono.fm.
Written by Dineo Phadimenyane.
